For some reason, every time I hear the phrase “male grooming” I have an image in my head of two chimpanzees…one sitting quietly while the other goes through his hair picking out nits.
I think this goes back to the days of black and white TV and an early natural history documentary which quite clearly had a sub-conscious effect on me.
In many ways I like to think of myself as an enlightened 21st century “new man”, willing to embrace the changes that society throws at us every day…but in the area of male grooming I think I still have many barriers to break down.
I read this week that the male grooming industry (has it really reached that level of status?) is worth a staggering £600 million in the UK each year and is forecast to double in size over the next five years.
The use of sporting icons such as David Beckham, Roger Federer and Thierry Henry in advertising campaigns shows just how seriously it is being taken.
Tesco alone carries a range of more than 340 male grooming products apparently, showing how much belief they have in the size of the market potential.
Research from one of the biggest players, L’Oreal, shows that the male market is growing at twice the rate of the women’s market – across all age groups – illustrating how much attitudes have changed.
Most of the growth is in skincare, as men try to stave off the ravages of time. But the other huge area is in hair dye as men of a certain age try to prolong their youthful looks.
I was unlucky enough to start losing my hair in my early thirties, and saw what was left turn grey quite rapidly. My answer though was neither wigs nor Grecian 2000, but a close crop, which has meant my “look” has not changed much in the last 20 years.
Maybe I would feel differently if I still had a full head of grey hair, but, to me, men dying their hair seems to be the ultimate in vanity.
Clearly though, there is a professional way to have this done…and a very amateur way.
For those who go to a salon – where numbers have jumped so much that there are now more hairdressers in the UK than there are grocers, butchers, fishmongers or greengrocers – the skill of the stylist can hide the grey and make it almost impossible for anyone to know.
But for those DIY merchants who buy off the shelf solutions and try to achieve the same result at home…I’m afraid you just get what you pay for.
Are we impressed by a man in his mature years sporting a jet black barnet which has clearly been chemically induced? Or does he just become a figure of fun? And it is definitely not a good look to have jet black hair and bushy grey eyebrows.
But I suppose they can’t dye their eyebrows as they run the risk of getting the dye into their eyes…which apparently is something akin to being exposed to the full effects of Chernobyl, or slicing up chillis and forgetting to wash your hands.
If you follow the logic that men dye their hair to make them more attractive, do they not run the risk of undoing all that good work when their “date” runs her fingers through their hair and comes away with her hand covered in a greasy film?
And while I’m on the subject…how annoying is that badly dubbed TV ad where the unemployed father is persuaded by his daughter to dye his hair before going for a job interview, returning later having nailed the job and deciding he needs to buy more ties?
As I said earlier, I have sported a close crop – Number 1 actually – for many years now, with my grey hair reduced to a 3mm stubble.
But while this means I don’t need to grow a comb-over, it does mean my head gets unbelievably cold when walking to the station every morning….and of course it also means my scalp is exposed to all weathers.
So a couple of years ago, I made my first concession to male grooming by starting to use a moisturiser on said scalp after I come out of the shower. I don’t know if it has had any effect or not, but apparently it doesn’t cost much as Mrs Lumsden gets it as a makeweight in the regular “3 for 2” offers.
And talking of Mrs Lumsden, it is she who sits me down and uses the home clippers to administer my Number 1 cut every few days. At the risk of getting a slap…cue images of chimpanzees in my head again.